It’s been a long time since I have wrote anything but it is therapeutic to write about things that happen in your life, especially traumatic events. 2021 has been a much better year than 2020, but the truth is I don’t know if my life will ever be the same again after 2020. Whether that is good or bad I do not know.
A lot has happened since I last wrote anything so I probably should catch you up. Me and my now ex-wife divorced in October of 2020. I wish things had worked out differently then, but she chose her own alternative direction. All I can say is I did my best as a husband and step father, and I’m content with that. Marriage takes two people and if one person decides they no longer want to make things work, the marriage dies. I’m thankful however that God helped me get through all that, although I do miss her boys, I hope they are doing well and are enjoying their beautiful lives.
Following the divorce, I began to focus on myself. Eating better, working out more, trying to enjoy life and move on. I bought a new puppy for my dog Kirk, I named him Spock. He’s a great addition and Kirk loves him, which makes me happy also! So that’s a small catch up to present day.
Everything has been going great lately, but I’ve been dreading this day for a few weeks. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly get over it, just have to move forward. A year ago today, my son Declan Oliver would have been born. Today would have been his first birthday. It would have been a glorious and great day. It didn’t happen. I’m content with the fact that Declan is in Heaven in the arms of Jesus Christ. He has no pain, no tears, no sorrow. Just pure joy. I envy him sometimes in that he got to take the straight easy path there. But I also have a deep sadness for the fact that he never got to live a long life on earth.
He never got to experience all the joys of childhood. The Christmas mornings, vacations, Birthday parties, sleepovers, riding your bicycle, eating new things, going to school, hugging me and his mother. All those things. For that it makes me sad, maybe it is sadness I didn’t get to experience all those things with him.
I didn’t get to witness him grow up. Watch him walk for the first time. Teach him how to ride a bicycle or throw a baseball. I would have loved to have had that opportunity. It is gone.
What brings me joy is knowing that I will one day get to see him and talk about all kinds of things. That we will get to walk on streets of gold together in Heaven is a great thing. It is this that I try my best to focus my grief on, and it helps.
Today, however, nothing helps. But that’s ok. Pain brings healing. Happy Birthday son. I miss you and I love you.
MFoxhunter 